4Nine boundaries that help in safeguarding your interests and peace of mind
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Relationships: It is not necessary to feel and express love for your partner at the same time. It is okay to do that when you really feel like it rather than mouth it just because your partner says it, so as to not offend him /her. It is perfectly okay to spend some time apart doing the things you both love as this would only bring you closer to each other. Pursuing a hobby or learning a new skill that is different from your partner’s taste is okay too. It is only when both partners evolve that the relationship deepens. Forced sacrifices tend to create gaps in relationships, first mentally and then physically.
Physical: Both the people have the right to find the appropriate time to undertake any activity. Forcing or demanding anything without the proper consent of the other person is a relationship destroyer. Personal space and boundaries must be respected.
Material: If someone has the habit of taking your belongings without asking your permission and not returning on time or at all, then you must lay down the boundary as to what is acceptable and what is not. By no means should this boundary be trespassed upon.
Emotional: If you have a friend that drops by at odd hours when you’d rather be sleeping, make it a point to convey this to that person in clear terms. Let there be no ambiguity. If you find yourself solving innumerable grievances of a friend all the time and getting drained due to that, make it known and steer clear.
Spiritual: If you find someone messing with your values or belief system, forcing you to do wrong or unethical things, take a call immediately and do away with the person. Your core beliefs define you and no one should have the right to tamper with that.
Mental: If you find someone manipulating you all the time and spoiling your mental makeup, know that this person is not right for you. Manipulation causes mental distress and can lead to depression and feelings of low worth and low self-esteem.
Professional: At the workplace, it is important to make a note of what lies within your jurisdiction. Let your subordinates know their duties and respective roles so as to perform to the best of their abilities. Similarly, your boss may want to hold a meeting during weekends or during some important family function, politely tell him that you would attend to it the next day. Taking on extra work due to the inability of saying no is another area that can be worked upon. Identifying manipulators and handling them with tact is also of utmost importance. Doing something that violates the company’s rules due to coercion by a colleague is not right. You must let them know about your ethics and values. Gossiping should be avoided as it could cost you your job and future as well.
Digital: Social media is an area where most people spend their free time these days. Online rules help in safeguarding relationships. Letting the other person into your personal social media accounts by sharing passwords needs to be carefully thought over as too much information about you could be exposed and misused by the other person. Asking for photos or getting intimate should happen only after permission is asked for and consent was taken.
Neighbours: Neighbours can either be a source of great joy or the perfect reason to get annoyed. It is best to maintain distance from the beginning so as to avoid being trespassed upon. Gossiping can land you in trouble, so be careful as to whom you let into your personal space. Asking for things can become a habit, so let them know what works for you and what does not. Expecting you to Babysit is another common issue in the apartment type of culture.
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5How To Set Healthy Boundaries
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Depending upon how you have been raised, your experiences, it may as be as easy or tough to set boundaries in relationships.
Self-Awareness: The first step is for you to identify your likes and dislikes. You must know what is comfortable and what is not. You must also identify what actions are likely to scare and/or upset you.You must take some time away to focus within and find the answers to your questions.
Identify your needs: When you’re done with identifying your needs from the relationship, make them clear to your partner. Do not hold back due to the possibility of an argument arising.
Use Clear communication: It is important to be specific while communicating with the other person. Leaving any ambiguity would only complicate matters further. For example, you could say “I can help you with this task after 11 pm tonight.”
Learn to maintain boundaries while still being loving: While expressing your love, be sure to mention how important the boundaries are for you. For example, you could say, “I am willing to listen to your side of the story provided you don’t indulge in personal attacks.” In the end, both of you should feel loved and respected.
Begin your statements with “I”: When you begin your sentence with “I feel that” or “I would appreciate it if, “ it goes a long way in fostering favorable communication.
Use the sandwich approach: The sandwich approach consists of compliment, criticism, compliment. The issue that you want to bring to the notice of the other person is camouflaged in between praise which is why it is easy to understand and abide by that without sounding harsh.
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