49 Questions To Explore Your Relationship

What are your main qualities as a couple? Can you identify the source of your hardships? And sort of what can or cannot be saved?

To accompany you, we asked three specialists to clarify the aspects to dig: Robert Neuburger, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, couple therapist and author of We stop? We continue? Patrick Estrade, psychologist, psychotherapist; Sylvain Mimoun, andrologist, gynecologist, a psychometrician and author of shared egoism!

1Evaluate the strength of your love

When conflicts intensify, the feeling of being misunderstood strengthens, the resentment builds up, it's hard to know what you really feel. Feelings are the foundation on which our love stories are built. Let them weaken, and it is the whole building that falters. Hence the first advice of Patrick Estrade: "Do not jump to the conclusion, but advance step by step, without surrendering to impatience."

To start your assessment, we offer you these questions:

1. If you could solve all your problems, do you think that love, like the Phoenix, would rise from the ashes?
2. Do you feel that you are looking after the well-being of each other?
3. Despite the problems, is your relationship and environment still a priority for you?
4. How do you feel about a life that doesn’t include your partner anymore?
5. Do you feel loved/accepted for who you are?
6. Do you receive much more criticism than compliments and support?
7. Do you regularly emphasize what you like about your partner, what attracts you and affects you? And he, does he?

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2Couple in love and the culture created

The first is made of the feelings that two people carry for each other. The second includes everything a couple builds together: a place to live, a lifestyle, a common culture, a family-in-law, and also values, ideas, projects, memories. In this practice, we found that a person can detach him/herself emotionally from the partner but remain attached to the partner’s cultural side, to what was created by both sides. Having this distinction in mind helps to identify what is no longer appropriate for us.

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3Positive acceptance, valorization

For the psychotherapist, being able to express affection and emphasize the qualities of the partner are essential elements for the continuity of the love carried by both sides and the pleasure of living together. 

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4Spot the misunderstandings

It is a reality, observable by all: the communication is the measure of the couple vitality, of their intimacy. But as Robert Neuburger recalls, "the life of a couple is paved with misunderstandings".

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