Those who are in a relationship would agree that at some point, we are either engaged in infidelity or we become its victim. It has turned out to be a primary cause of breakups and divorce. On top of it, this affair is either with a long-term acquaintance, a friend or a co-worker. It is rarely a random stranger.
The idea of monogamy or confining your sexual relationship to only one partner is what triggers infidelity. Hence, psychologists say that we should redefine infidelity if we want to save our relationships. According to a Psychology Professor at the University of New Brunswick, Canada, our universal understanding of infidelity has led to making cheating a deal breaker if you are in a relationship. Yes, monogamy is extremely hard to maintain but if a couple wants their relationship lasts for a long time and survive such incidents, then they should have a conversation about what in their opinion monogamy and infidelity is.
We live in a highly technological world. You don’t really have to be seeing someone to be an infidel, it can start with a simple text message and turn your world upside down. Infidelity is an individual interpretation of each of us. You have to draw the lines on your own. Sleeping with someone is no longer a sufficient definition of cheating.
What if you are simply fantasizing about a celebrity lover? Is that being unfaithful too? Not really! If only we communicate with our partners better and we are more understanding of each other, we and our relationship can grow.
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Here are some steps we can take to make our relationship stronger and even save it from infidelity:
If you are being attracted to someone other than your partner instead of hiding it, you should let them know so that together, you can come up with a solution to this problem. Ask your partner questions like:
With questions like these, you can keep everything in your relationship black and white. If you can easily communicate with each other, it can actually save your relationship from falling in the hands of infidelity.
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When it comes to the standards of monogamy, you need to hear your partner’s perspective and let them know yours too. A couple should define what is betrayal or an act of dishonesty in their eyes. If a couple has talked about this or planned everything ahead of time, they can cut the turbulence that usually follows if one of the partners actually encounters an intimate moment.
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Like mentioned before, each partner has a different view on what constitutes an emotional affair and if that qualifies as cheating. To get rid of the misunderstanding, have explicit agreements. These agreements should clearly cover how to handle advances, what information should be shared (for instance, how often are you attracted to others) and how quickly you should tell each other about a romantic experience, even if some other person was trying to flirt with you.
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The one who wronged needs to be heard too. There can be plenty of reasons why your partner did what they did. Psychologists say it is important to get to the root of the issue. If you figure out why it happened, you can prevent infidelity in future.
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Yes, an unfaithful partner has to own 100% of the guilt but the wronged party needs to acknowledge its own role in the affair too. You need to share responsibility and see what was your hand in facilitating isolation or loneliness that compelled your partner to slip.
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This sounds simple but in reality, it’s not. Your partner may have lots of secret thoughts and feelings that they probably don’t tell you or anyone. Before these thoughts come out of them in the form of infidelity, you need to be safe enough to your partner that they tell you everything. They can only open up if there is trust and compassion in your relationship and they know you won’t judge them.
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One of the most important steps to repair a relationship is to be brutally honest with each other. If your partner suspects you have an affair and they question about it, let them know the truth. Sometimes, it is not easy to confess your past crimes. If you can’t do that, then at least be honest about your present and future. Statements like ‘It will never happen again’ or ‘It was just a mistake won’t help’ are often deluding. You have to openly discuss everything. If infidelity already occurred and you are desperate to fix the relationship, you will simply be chasing an unsatisfying fantasy. If there are any misgivings in your head, let your partner know and see if they can be fixed.
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You and your partner can mutually agree to install a spouse text spyware app on your phones to keep tabs on each other. Many couples think using xnspy.com is a great way to connect with each other. This spouse text spyware app lets you monitor the text message conversations, calls and even location of your partner. When you know your partner is watching you, you are more likely to control your desires. Xnspy doesn’t always have to be used to ensure your partner is not cheating on you. It can also be used to ensure they are safe. For example, if your partner is out for a business meeting to another town, you can use Xnspy’s location tracking feature to find out if they have safely reached their hotel. Remember one thing, you shouldn’t be using this Android app for spying on spouse without their consent.
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We don’t live in an ideal world so if you were unfaithful once, saying sorry cannot bring back your partner’s affection. In fact, things won’t be the same. You must give your partner enough time to heal and trust you again.
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An old flame can lure you into infidelity. If you keep these encounters transparent and communicate what you feel, you can avoid misunderstandings. Letting that flame burn inside of you can do a lot of harm later on. Your partner may be surprised to find out you still hold a grudge against thing over something that happened years ago. Whatever negative emotions you have, let them out.
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To be honest, we are not perfect and hence our relationships won’t be perfect too. So, you should be tolerant and forgiving towards your partner. If you started the relationship with the fairytale perception that you or your partner will successfully meet each other’s needs whether it is emotional or sexual, it can lead to a lot of problems down the line. You need to be more open-minded than that if you want to even be in a happy long-term relationship.
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All marriages need counseling at some point because no relationship is perfect. Find a reliable and capable therapist who can help improve your relationship with your partner. The things that are addressed in the counseling sessions include:
Instead of ignoring your marriage problems, counseling can help you put everything on the table and fix it before you or your partner lands on the verge of infidelity.
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Just focus on making your relationship more open, caring and mutual. Of course, if your partner crosses the line and they are not even ready to take responsibility for their infidel actions, then that’s a different scenario.