Modern relationships are falling apart every day. The idea of togetherness in 2018 is very different from that of 2008 or the years prior to that. Even a decade ago, the idea of a soulmate or marriage or the notion of spending your lifetime with one person was a viable dream for many. But today it's something rather unthinkable. But what brought about the collapse of the ‘relationship’?
Many people blame social media for this radical change. But that's not entirely true. Our obsession with social media can be kept in check. If we want we can keep our equation with our partners out of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. But that doesn't fix the fact that we are a lot more distrustful now. We might steer clear of social media but that doesn't mean our partners are doing the same. There are many other reasons why modern relationships are quite short-lived. Let's find out why.
Social media experts have often commented that keeping your relationship and your partner out of the Instagram world is the wisest thing to do, especially if it has only been a few weeks that you’ve been dating. But it's a lot more complicated than that. You might be able to keep your partner away from the glare of social media but your partner might not do the same. Moreover, your partner's need for social media approval might differ from yours in a big way.
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One of the most consistent topics of arguments among couples is the idea of loyalty in the era of social media. Your partner might flirt with someone on Facebook or might chat up strangers, and at one level you are supposed to be okay with that. Can you really call them out if they send a friend request to somebody? No. Maybe it's a work connection or maybe it's a friendly one. The point is many times, you will be required to just have some faith. And it's not entirely easy.
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For instance, in the last month, the relationship of Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande stole the limelight. They met just a few weeks ago and are already engaged and have been blowing up Instagram with their loved-up posts. Their fans are worried that they might just fizzle out but the thing to know about millennial relationships are that they are all about instinct. You might think they are moving too fast but for them, it can be just perfect.
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Interestingly the rise of social media is a huge barrier to proper communication. If you think about it, people who are in a relationship never just pick up the phone and talk to each other anymore. There are a lot of nuances to good communication in a relationship but experts agree that even 5 minutes of open and clear communication can do a lot for your relationship.
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You'll notice that millennial couples usually indulge in a lot of social media loving. They like each other's posts, tag each other on their posts and make videos with each other. It's important to remember that this doesn't count as communication of any sort. Just because you have liked or reacted to each other on social media does not necessarily mean that you have stability with your partner or that you’re compatible.
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You must not set unrealistic goals for your partner. Your relationship might not always have Instagrammable moments but that's normal. “The question isn’t, “Are you asking too much?” The question is, “Are you asking the appropriate amount, in light of the nature of the relationship right now?” The idea of “going all-in” is, “Hell yes. I want to ask my spouse to help make me feel loved and give me an opportunity to love somebody else and also [be] somebody who’s going to help me grow into an ideal, authentic version of myself. And I’m going do the same for him or her. I recognize that that is a massive ask and because I recognise that that’s a massive ask I’m going to make sure that we have sufficient time together,” says Eli Finkel a professor of social psychology.
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One of the major problems with modern relationships is the fact that there is no timeline as to how fast you should move with your partner. For instance, nobody tells you when it is okay to tell your friends about your girlfriend. Or to change your relationship status on Facebook. Before you tick off a major relationship milestone, reassess if you are ready for something serious.
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Most millennials hate putting a label on their relationships. You might have been with one guy for a year and you still might not want to label your relationship. And this should be fine. If both of you are on the same page and are happy with each other, there is no reason why you have to rush each other to be something you are not.
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You can learn from favourite showbiz couple Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid. They recently hit the headlines with their breakup after being together for more than a year. But days later, they got back together again. It is not always necessary to spell out where you stand with your partner. If you want to take a break, do it without making a big deal. Zayn insists that since both he and Gigi are adults, they can be in a relationship on their own terms.
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A commitment phobia is as real as it gets. Millennials have often talked about how much a serious, no-nonsense commitment to one person scares them. It's very important to face your fear. In fact if you're dating somebody, talk to them about what exactly makes you nervous. Again, communication is key in this situation.
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Millennial life is fast life. One of the many reasons why modern relationships are falling apart is definitely the lack of free time - time we can devote to the significant other in our life. Keeping up with our jobs, our friends, keeping up with our social media needs, spending time on ourselves, take up a lot of our time. Basically, we spend a lot more time working on ourselves than we used to a few years ago.
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People in this era are so used to getting fast results for every problem than its affecting their relationships. Whenever we have a problem we Google our way out of it. If we have a fight we block the person. If we have a flat tyre we call for help. We are so accustomed to getting help for all our situations, we don't know what to do if a problem actually takes time to fix itself. Relationships take time and you must stop expecting that it will fix itself overnight just after one phone call.
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You can often mistake a random encounter as a significant connection, or someone’s passing interest as something major. That is a mistake. “With our generation being so used to instant gratification, and used to being so easily accessible to each other, there’s a false sense of connection. I think the dating game is really isolating, even though [millennials] are immersed in so many different options. I think with my particular caseload, [men and women equally] want to have good-quality relationships, but don’t necessarily know how to find it,” says relationship counselor Alysha Jeney.
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Financial difficulties often make relationships go bad and millennials are coming to terms with the reality of it. You must keep your finances separate. Even if you find it easier to pool in your money, especially if you're living together, never get joint accounts. Especially too soon into a relationship. Draw a line when it comes to monetary issues. Nobody will judge you for being careful about your own money.
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As you navigate the dating world you will see not every good feeling is love. Just because you trust your partner or you two are happy does not mean that there is a sure shot chance that the relationship is a solid one or proof that you should take the plunge. Take time to understand what you and your partner need and then make decisions.
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