When their children become teenagers, the task of parents becomes more difficult and complex. They must accept the fact that they will be upset and criticized by their own children. Parents also have to deal with teenagers who are clamouring for autonomy, sometimes before they are mature enough. As a result, many fathers and mothers would like to have better relationships with their teenagers. Here are some tips for achieving this goal:
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Your teen needs you to listen to his stories, concerns, complaints, aspirations, etc. Let him speak to the end, without cutting him even if you are annoyed or even totally disagree with what he is saying.
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Your teen needs answers. By clearly mentioning that you are ready to answer his questions, you open a door that will secure him in his relationship with you. And not to be surprised by a difficult problem, think ahead of the topics they might want to address, for example: dating, first physical relation, alcohol, curriculum.
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Although they are no longer children, adolescents need to feel loved by their parents. So, one of the best things you can do to help your teenager is to show him through your actions and words that your love is unconditional. Even if your young person seems indifferent, know that he appreciates your demonstrations of affection. One of the thing he needs to know is that you like him when he's doing silly things when you disagree and even when he's sassy.
It should be noted that your demonstrations of affection must be made out of sight of his friends. This is very important because otherwise he might feel humiliated. Moreover, a parent's love for his teen does not mean that everything is allowed. On the contrary, a good way of loving one's child involves imposing reasonable limits and adjusting them to different circumstances.
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It is very important to respect the privacy of your teenager. So, do not share his personal stories without his permission. It's up to him to determine what's confidential, it's not your decision. If in doubt, keep quiet. Also, give your teenager some room to be alone if possible. He will be able to take time for himself and build himself as an autonomous individual.
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It is important to trust your teenager. Show optimism towards him. Make him understand that he has every chance of succeeding in what he undertakes seriously. Your conviction and optimism will help him to trust himself and his abilities.
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Before making a decision or starting a serious conversation with your teenager, make sure you know enough about it. For example, If you want to talk about studying with your young person, find out about available programs that might interest him. If you want to talk about physical protection, learn about the different approaches safe intimacy, including recent developments in this area.
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You are an important source of influence for your teenager through your words, your attitudes, your behaviours and your way of seeing life. In particular, exemplarity is an effective way to establish the legitimacy of your advice and rules of discipline.
It is, therefore, appropriate to behave according to what you teach your teenager. Of course, he does not imitate you anymore like when he was three, but he looks at you and he evaluates how you act. Over time, he may even adopt (perhaps unconsciously) many of your values, attitudes and behaviours.
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The teenager lives mostly impulsively. But unlike the majority of adults, he has not yet learned to control or moderate his spontaneity. And this contributes to a misunderstanding between teenagers and adults. For example, if a youth feels the need to talk to his parents, he will try to do so immediately. And he will find it normal that his parents are available on the spot.
If you are the parent of teenagers, understand that they live primarily in the present. So if possible, be available when they express the need. This will help improve your relationship with them.
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Before you get into a conflict with your teenager, make sure you have a good reason to do so. If the subject of the dispute is not worth it, forget it. For example, if you do not like the color or the length of your teen's hair, just do not talk about it. Instead, keep your credibility and energy on important topics, such as absences at school, coming home late at night, etc.
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