Just as a kid is born, it is declared by the doctor or the nurse that whether it is a boy or a girl and from there, the method of upbringing is chosen as per the standards laid down by the society. For example, parents tend to buy blue or other color clothes if it is a boy while they prefer to buy pink for the girl.
The society has laid its specifications as per the gender and for a long time now, we are following the set rules and guidelines. However, there are people who want to break-free from the shackles of gender identification and want to raise a gender-fluid family.
Genderqueer is a group of people which neither identifies themselves as completely man nor woman. They express themselves as either a combination of both masculinity and femininity or neither when it comes to expressing their gender.
Genderqueer are said to have overlapping of both the genders, means they can behave like man one day and woman, the other day or they can choose to live a life of third gender.
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A couple from Middlesborough is trying to raise their own family as a gender-fluid family by bringing up their four-year-old boy as a “person” and not a boy. The name of the couple is Nikki and Louise Draven and the name of the kid is Star Cloud and they don’t want to impose any gender on their kid as they themselves like to live independent of gender identification. Louise started living as a woman a year before Star’s birth as he felt that he is woman since the age of eight.
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The 30-yr old Louise, who was born as a man is undergoing hormone therapy for making a transition and becoming a woman while Nikki keeps jumping from one bandwagon to another by behaving as a woman one day and as a man on the other. Nikki can be seen donning tops and skirts on one day while shirt pants on the other day.
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Star calls Louise as his mother who is actually his biological father while he calls his biological mother, Nikki as his father. In fact, it is Star who chose to call Nikki as his father and Louise as his mother. Nikki and Louise never interfered in Star’s decision and always tried to make him feel good about himself and his family.
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Nikki and Louise Draven met each other first time in 2011 in a LGBT meet-up where they discovered that they both have the same outlook towards the two important issues of life – family and gender. In 2012, they got married in a Pagan ceremony and they are said to be Britain’s first entirely gender-fluid family.
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The couple says that they want to provide Star with freedom of choosing his own gender when he grows up, something that they were deprived of. They want that Star should grow up in a house which is as ordinary as possible and where he is saved by the rules and guidelines implemented by the society for gender roles.
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Star is just like the other kids of his own age but the fact that differentiates him from the other kids is that he likes to play with cars, trucks, etc., along with dolls also. Other than this, Star also likes to paint his nails and wear make-up and he not only wears boy’ clothes but girl’s clothes as well.
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One day, Star, who studies in nursery came home and said that he can’t play with dolls as they are for girls. Nikki and Louise then explained to him that anyone can play with any toy and there is nothing wrong with him playing with a doll. This happens because the kids are told about the choices that they should make and not given a chance to make their choices on their own.
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There is no denying the fact that this unusual lifestyle is not liked by everyone and Nikki and Louise face problems at public places. Nikki says that she can handle it as she was used to be a bouncer in a gay club but it affects Lousie a lot. People stare, laugh and abuse them and just recently, a truck driver shouted at Louise saying that if he would have looked like him, he would have cut his throat.
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There are doubts in the mind of the couple in relation to the future of their son, Star. They talked about the attitude of other kids as well when they decided to give Star a gender-fluid environment and they are worried about the possibility of Star being bullied by the other kids. However, later on they realized that kids will still bully the other kids whatever the reason may be.
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The couple never told Star that he is a boy, they have always told him that he can be whatever he wants. The toys are not gender specific and as far as the clothes are concerned, Star chooses what he wears. Star’s favorite color is Pink and he decided what to wear.
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The four years old Star loves to wear leggings and he also likes to wear the clothes which have star patterns on it. He is fond of playing with Barbies and dressing them up but he also likes to play with cars, trucks, etc. which are known to be boy’s toys.
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Star will be wearing boy’s uniform when he will go to school but he has purchased pink vest and pink socks to wear with it. Nikki told that they purchased boy’s underwear for Star as it will appropriate for his shape. Star’s school is also very supportive as Nikki told that they are also happy to have an inclusive family.
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The first gender-fluid parents of Britain appeared in an episode of the ITV's This Morning and talked about the manner in which they are planning to bring up Star and how they will not treat him as a boy but as a person. Isn’t it a great and welcoming move?
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The couple was hugely criticized by the viewers as some of them even termed their parenting style as “child abuse”. Some felt that these two have brainwashed Star and confusing him with different identities. Few alleged that Nikki and Louise are setting up the poor kid for a miserable and confusing life.
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Do let us know what do you think of Nikki and Louise’s decision and are you also afraid and worried about the future of Star?