These days we have an alarming rate of divorce and breakups because we chose to ignore the red flags and subtle hints at the very beginning of a relationship. Divorce lawyers and psychologists have ingeniously formed a way to detect the potential problem triggers on the basis of personality traits of the partners. They can clearly see the signs of minor upsets which couples can rectify immediately and also the major glitches which are bound to create serious problems in the future leading to separations. And by being an expert, they can also predict all this from the very first date which could be good advice for you.
In order to help new lovers, Here are some crucial questions advised by the experts that should be asked on a first date. These objective questions which if answered honestly can help you gain some insight into the future of the relationship without entertaining any delusions about it.
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Many people, especially women feel awkward asking a blunt question about the singlehood of their potential partners which is foolishness. There is nothing rude about being direct with the person who plans to spend time with you.
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If they evade answers
If the answer to the question is evasive such as “it’s complicated,” or “we are going to get divorced soon” or a non-committal answer like “we are separated”, it means according to Divorce attorney Randall M. Kessler that the man is playing double with you and he is not free for a devoted relationship at all right now. Stay away from him till he gets his personal mess clear and comes without any past baggage.
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According to Danielle Kepler, a family psychologist, this trait reveals the priorities of people whether its tidiness and cleanliness or time? Do they prefer cleaning their house and making their bed before heading off to work or a date? Do they prefer a laid-back attitude or fast paced lives? The question also reveals if your date is an early bird or late riser and what activities they like doing in the morning.
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This is a make or break question as it will really decide the longevity of your relationship. This question reveals whether your partner is intuitive or sensitive and most importantly how much you are you compatible with them.
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Are they the fussy type or the carefree type?
Some people are over fussy about making smallest of decisions reading hundred of reviews before making one while others go with a flow without much deliberation. They may tend to book a hotel without even reading reviews about it. If either of these attitudes perturbs you, change the partner immediately to avoid the further pain of living together.
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Although on your first date you would prefer keeping your best foot forward, there are some subtle hints about your partners’ fetishes which can surface in between conversations. If you have always been a tidy and neat person and the partner hints at his messy lifestyle, (like how his kitchen sink is full of dishes which he does over the weekend), that may be a deal breaker for you. Psychologist Ryan Howes explains if your partner is a tidy person and you are messy, then you both will have a problem. Such inherent lifestyles are usually hard to change and will create serious problems later on.
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Your relation with your parents and siblings (unless you have a seriously dysfunctional family) shows the longevity you might have with your partner as well. If you are too influenced by your parent’s ideas about your relationship, then disaster awaits you. On the other extreme your relationship should not consume you completely to lose all touch with your immediate family and be distant. A bad family relationship proves mental instability. It is indicative of people who lack the ability to remain in any long-term relationship because of their unwillingness to compromise.
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Yes, it’s definitely a curve ball to throw at your first date but it’s crucial. In fact, you could ask an equally difficult question. The question was just an example. You do not need to be blunt but can casually bring up the topic. With all politeness stir the conversation away from all banal stuff like work or weather. Instead, focus on such questions and you will find how relaxing people can get when allowed to express their true hidden thoughts and concerns. It will make the conversation much more warm and honest if not even emotional. In fact, this was an experiment carried out by Psychologist Dan Ariely which turned out likewise as mentioned above. Make sure if you are the one firing the questions, be open and nonjudgmental. Also be prepared to answer similar questions.
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If you feel that you have finally met your match, this question can really show how much they are at ease with you to be ready to share their embarrassing moments. On the other hand, you can get to know whether this date is going smoothly and different from your date’s possible nightmarish dating experiences. You can also get to know if you both have gelled together truly.
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Carla Donnelly advocates asking this question. This is a crucial question for the first date as it will reveal the nature of your would be partner clearly. It would show whether they blame everyone and everything else in their lives life for their misfortunes or do they admit to their own mistakes. Some may tend to put the entire blame on their exes without accepting any wrongdoing on their part. Not owning up mistakes is indicative of a person’s type of personality growth. It’s a dangerous red flag indeed.
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According to Family psychologist Jeannie Ingram, such a question can reveal the values of a person. Being together means creating a family of your own with equal financial contribution. At this stage, it’s very necessary to know whether the person is selfish about their money or considers the concept of (our money). Do they like buying flashy cars and going on swanky holidays, splurging on designer labels or do they show a tendency to invest and save.
A person indicating that they prefer smart savings or investments on the health of parents or buying property etc shows a level head on one’s shoulders and that they think about a secure future.
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This will reveal a lot about your partner’s likes and dislikes. It is very important to be compatible where activity is concerned. If your partner is one to call friends over every day and every evening is party time, you as a person who loves a quieter life would definitely be out of place. While socializing to an extent is good, couples spending quite moments in each other’s company relaxing at home is great for a compatible relationship.
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According to Aaron Anderson, a family psychologist from Denver, this question reveals what’s in your date’s mind without even having to question them.
This question safely steers you away from banalities of useless conversation and lets you peep into the inner thought process and aspirations of your partner. This will reveal the real personality of the partner as well give you a peep into their vulnerabilities which would automatically create a bond between you too.
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