Parenting isn’t an easy job where there is always a conflict with kids in any family. Invariably parents through no fault of theirs aren’t aware of how to treat or speak to a child with context to the existing generation. What may have been the norm and the right thing to do in your childhood may not hold true today. Parenting needs to evolve with time but above all it should be tempered with patience. It is impatience that generally leads us to act wrongly with a child that triggers conflict, misbehavior and rebellion with kids.
Parent-child conflicts start from as early as when a child is 3 years old. It is invariably violation of a child’s space and borders that cause such problems. Children are prone to asserting their independence when they see impositions which they cannot justify and rebellion thus takes on different forms. The art of parenting today is finding a common ground where compromise and understanding is the greatest need to ensure a child’s obedience. Here’s how you can find a common language with your child according to psychologists. This will help you teach your child the etiquette of cooperative behavior while making them feel important.
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Nobody not even kids like criticism. Criticism can hurt adults and children alike and the only way to understand the indignation that swells up within a child being criticized is to remember the experience of how you felt when you were the subject of the same. Criticism irritates a kid to the point of breaking contact and courting silence without replying to questions.
Ideally, constructive criticism tempered with praise will do the trick. Moreover, criticism should never be harsh so soften your words without demeaning or hurting the child. You will automatically find different results.
Household chores are necessary but what will surprise you to know is that psychologists feel it isn’t the nature of work that puts off a child; it is the strict tone of voice that demands the job to be done. Provide a choice to the child but within the capabilities of age. Given the choice of making a decision increases a child’s self-esteem and you will still retain control over your child’s behavior.
When it boils down to mandatory choices, psychologists advise giving younger children a forced choice like “peas or carrots”. That will also get them to cooperate with you.
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The biggest mistake parents make is never to give importance to a child’s affairs. This is a common statement in any home “You’re collecting legos? So what, mom needs to speak to you right now” or “You’re on the phone with your friend?? Anyway, stop talking nonsense and come downstairs’ as grandma wants to show you how to bake”
Just because you need to prioritize your actions and needs does not mean you will depreciate your child’s activities. You have to respect their personal space. How would you react in such a position if your partner spoke to you like that? You can always be politer in asking the child if they can postpone what they are doing for later.
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When you are playing chess or board games with a child, don’t forget, you are an adult and as such the rules were already entrenched in your mind a long time ago. A child, on the other hand, finds it fairly new and will adopt a flexible attitude. Forcing the child to follow the rules usually makes us believe that we are disciplining the child for doing the same in adult life but creativity, initiative and flexibility isn’t about following rules, and it’s about working your way around them to achieve a better result.
And of course, it’s just a game with no consequences; allow the child to invent a few of his own rules to make the game more fun and interesting than usual. New things aren’t always better but there is no harm trying.
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This involves patience. When your child is doing something and taking exceptionally long, try to understand he is a child without the resources of experience and intelligence and this is the learning process they go through. Don’t deny them this part of life by imposing your help just because you can’t wait any longer.
As mentioned earlier, the art of patience is greatly needed here and though it irks you to see the same mistake over and over again, do nothing until and unless your child asks for help. If your child makes mistakes, only then he will learn.
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Everybody feels that little bit of importance when they are consulted over decisions. Your kids will feel the same way too. This is very effective when it concerns small kids who love to feel grown up and take on some responsibility. You can ask your child direct questions and advice in making decisions. This makes the child feel his voice and opinions matter to you and that you trust them too.
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You may have a world of problems managing home, work and financial problems. It does not give you a reason to regard your kid’s problems as trivial regardless of whether they may seem so at the moment. It is, of course, easier said than done when you are all stressed out, but if you ignore your child, it is you who will feel bad later on.
Children derive their security from parents and though you may think, you don’t matter in your child’s life; it is a parent whom the child will turn to as a last resort when it’s something they can’t handle. Parents usually behave contradictorily in such matters. We may feel sorry for our children and want to teach them the right thing but invariably we end up saying things like “I told you so”. Most moms often tend to get nervous in such situations and become judgmental even in their advice. This is what distances a child further.
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Never underestimate a child’s worries and problems and always be close to them. Allow them to cry and make them feel that their problems are just as important and can be worked out together. Discuss a problem by analyzing it with your child to derive a practical solution.
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When you sit with your children and discuss hypothetical situations, books, films or even their own cartoons, you encourage the child to express their own opinions and perspectives. However, the way to do this is to ensure a calm environment and the child’s willingness to discuss such topics.
Here’s an example: Andrea has started fighting too often, do you have an idea why she is doing that? Do you think her parents can help? Parents should remember that discussions based on imaginary topics shouldn’t always return to reality situations as your child wills soon wisen up. If your child relates to the situation, they will start thinking on it without any references or insinuations. If you shift the nature of a discussion, it destroys that magical situation of communication.
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Parents should be the one to teach children to have a sense of humor and that humor can help diffuse situation and make difficult situations easier to cope with.
Comical parodies, toys that talk or laughing with them over a funny cartoon can create a jovial atmosphere for any family. Acting out child-like fantasies, playing pirates etc can also give your child a sense of creativity and imagination. There are many parent-child problems that can be resolved with humor but always keep it light and don’t go overboard. Mind you children can sense bantering and sarcasm so avoid that.
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Don’t go telling your child not to do something. Instead, frame your instruction in a positive manner. If you want your child to walk on the pavement instead of the road, don’t say “don’t walk on the road” Instead, say “walk on the pavement because it’s safer”
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